


dark night/shine brightly

by jiunnie



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Alternate Reality, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-16 20:24:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5839786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiunnie/pseuds/jiunnie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>their comeback is round the corner but mino is barely holding up. ((continued)headcanon where mino suffers from anxiety and taehyun struggles to be ok for both of them)</p>
            </blockquote>





	dark night/shine brightly

**Author's Note:**

> because recording pricked was most probably not the easiest. i can only imagine the conflicts they must have gone through. (inspired(?) by that time in win ep 2(?) where taehyun walks out on mino being an ass)

Nights are long when Mino is up alone staring at his screen, working on yet another track that isn't just another track, the silence and instrumental backtracks ringing in his ears, and Taehyun knocked out cold, all legs and knees and spread over his lap.

It’s not Taehyun’s fault (they’ve been up more hours than he can count) yet Mino finds himself shifting listlessly under the weight of Taehyun’s legs, trying to nudge him awake without actually nudging him awake. Stirring, Taehyun suddenly curls into himself on his own chair, leaving Mino’s lap strangely empty.

Mino sighs.

“Taehyun.”

"Wake up I need help with this."

Taehyun murmurs non-committedly, eyes still closed.

A split-second of silence, like the muffled stillness of the sea drawing back against shore between the rhythms of its tide. And then Taehyun's sedated response hits him; it comes as waves in the pit of his stomach, an ocean breaking in ragged edges. Mino feels it fall in tandem with his breathing.

It's not Taehyun's fault. It's not even the fault of the studio, with its claustrophobic padded walls and metallic recording booth and week-old coke cans lying under the seats, crushed and ignored.

It's just the thought-too many thoughts-of people crowding his mind, people he has to prove things to and things this track has to prove, and many, many ways he is definitely able to mess this up. So when things get too loud and his hands are itch to do something no matter how he busies himself, Mino only knows one way to distract himself.

“At the end do you think the rift comes in too suddenly? Or too harshly? I mean it seemed okay when I arranged it but I can't seem to layer your voice over it now, it doesn't sound right-"

Taehyun springs forward, startling Mino.

"Let's do it again then," Taehyun says, his voice not without edge. "I was telling you it sounded off earlier anyway, when you were fussing over the rap."

"I'm just trying to settle everything one at a time."

"Yeah. Okay."

Mino looks up, frowning.

He has a sudden, distinct sense of everything steadily becoming more and more wrong. Like the two of them are adrift at sea standing atop separate blocks of ice, and each moment Mino spends looking at Taehyun like this is the sea rushing in between them, sweeping them apart with the determination of a force beyond their control.

He doesn't know how to stop it. Taehyun is too far now. And somewhere in his muddled mind, a thought that sounded something like: _Taehyun is mad because the song is not good yet, Taehyun'll be happy once the song is good, Taehyun's here and will make it good--_

Yet somehow the sight of Taehyun-standing at the door, just staring at him-makes his scalp tingle, the way it does when he's suddenly frustrated.

The only thing he knows is to keep going. So it's okay if he's raising his voice now, it’s okay if Taehyun's blinking at him the rapid way he does when he's upset to the point of being confused, because all that matters is Mino makes sure they do this song right. He can pick up the pieces after.

 - -

"What do you propose we do, then?” Mino says, his voice low.

“You’re not contributing. But you don’t seem to want to do as I suggest either.”

Taehyun blinks; once, twice. Then he exhales, a mixture of fatigue and the heaviness of stale, recycled air.

“Because if this isn’t important to you you can just leave.”

At times like this, he almost thinks he’s ready to.

There are good times, of course. On rare days off when the dorm is empty save for the two of them, the curtains drawn shut against the afternoon setting sun, and too much junk food than they should be even thinking about coupled with weekend sitcom reruns. And of course, so much Mino that Taehyun's mind has trouble processing everything at once; mine, mine, mine, reverberating blankly in his head with every drawn-out kiss, every slow, lazy trace of Mino's sinewy hands under his shirt against his skin.

So there are good days, but there are also bad days, where Taehyun wakes up at 3am to find Mino alone in the kitchen, eyes bloodshot and loose paper scattered around him, one hand in tight his hair and the other clutching a pen as he scratches furiously across the sheets. And Taehyun always bites back the _come back to bed_ he wants to murmur, instead putting the kettle on for tea, preparing himself for a night of giving Mino what he needs most at moments like this.

When he finds Mino on nights like this, he knows what Mino needs is someone to listen to his ideas and reassure him he’s doing enough, that _he’s_ enough, to maybe give him some fresh perspective on a song he’s been stuck on for a few weeks and to remind him to breathe.

Yet on other nights he does nothing. Sitting next to Mino, their chairs so close he can feel Mino’s shallow breathing between his clenched teeth, he tucks his knees under his t-shirt with his mug cusped in both hands, breaking the silence only to occasionally hum in response to Mino’s questions.

Through the sleep-deprived fog in his mind, he understands it’s enough for Mino.

Now, with hardly any distance between him and the door leading out of the studio, he catches the frenzied look in Mino’s eyes.

"Why are you still here?" Mino voice cracks as if the words are being forced loose from his throat.

He breaks away abruptly, turning towards the switchboard as he closes his eyes and rests his head in his hands, and Taehyun, all of a sudden, knows what needs to be done.

He crosses the distance between them in three strides.

Crouching so he’s on the same level as Mino, Taehyun reaches out and presses his fingers to Mino’s chin, gently probing it in his direction.

“Look at me,” Taehyun says softly. “In the eyes.”

His voice comes out small, hardly a whisper. 

“I-I can’t.”

Ever so slightly, so that they’re almost face to face, Taehyun eases Mino towards him. Mino has opened his eyes and is now biting on his lip, his eyes trained on the door. Looking at him, suddenly so near and vulnerable, Taehyun pauses; and then he’s leaning in, pressing his lips lightly against Mino’s.

He feels Mino stiffen, then relax. If Mino is a rope, high-strung and on the verge of snapping, then Taehyun is a breeze that will slowly unravel the knots Mino's grown used to. Reaching out, he places both palms on the side of Mino's face. It's warm to his touch. And against his lips, there's the distinct sensation of Mino's sudden intake of breath. Taehyun lets his fingers explore the growing out roots of Mino’s last dye job.

He doesn’t expect Mino to break the kiss, but Mino pulls away without warning. Taehyun doesn’t see the next thing coming, either.

“Please don’t ever leave me, Taehyun,” Mino rasps, gripping Taehyun so tight like Taehyun in his arms is the only thing left holding him in place. “I’m sorry but-please don’t ever leave.”

It is the pleading that hits Taehyun like a sock to his gut, a rawness he’s never seen before from Mino that makes his throat constrict, so that for a few drawn-out moments he’s unable to make a sound.

“I’m not leaving.” Taehyun says. He hears Mino swallow thickly.

“I said I’m not leaving. Not-again.”

In the stillness that follows, with the feeling of Mino's neck against his cheek and the steady rhythm of their breathing lulling him to sleep, Taehyun almost convinces himself things can continue like this.

(He knows, no matter how many nights he spends staying up with Mino, regardless of all the times he'll take a deep breath and put his own conflicted emotions aside to tend to Mino first, Mino will always need more than Taehyun can give him.)

But for now, in the last days leading up to their comeback, in this space of a dank, dark studio forgotten by everyone else, Taehyun will do his best to keep the pieces of Mino together.

**Author's Note:**

> to be honest writing has become very hard for me & i end up hating whatever i write. but really thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my stuff and comment/give kudos; it keeps me going even when i have 0 motivation to continue


End file.
